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(Picture taken on the set of The Aviator, August 2003)
How I met my boyfriend
By Chantal Bellehumeur
This memoir, dedicated to Jeffrey Overall, was originally published in the anthology ``It's About Living`` put together by Durham Editing.
I wanted to share the story of how I met a shy guy named Jeff eleven years ago, and how fate brought us together after losing touch and made me one of the happiest women in the world.
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four and a half wonderful months now, this August 18 2014, and wanted to share the story of how we met exactly eleven years ago and how fate brought us together after losing touch.
Whenever I get asked how I met my current boyfriend and tell them my story, people look at me like they don’t believe me. I guess they know I would not lie, yet they also know I am a writer who mostly writes fiction. I can assure you that the following story is 100% true.
On the night of August 18 2003, I was working on the set of The Aviator with hundreds of other extras for the biographical drama film about Howard Hughes directed by Martin Scorsese. I wore a white and blue short-sleeved flowery dress from the thirties which the costume department had chosen for me during a fitting, and somebody tied my strawberry blond hair up. My role was to portray a fan excited about the arrival of Howard Hughes, played by Leonardo Decaprio, and the film actress Jean Harlow, played by Gwen Stefani, at a movie premiere taking place at the Graumen’s Chinese theatre in Hollywood. This scene was actually being filmed at Mel’s studio in Montreal, Qc (Canada). A replica of the famous theatre’s front side had been built outdoors.
The many extras were assigned places to stand near the red carpet and we were all told to look at the people around us and make sure we stood at the exact same spot when filming. There were a lot of breaks between takes, so I got to know the men and women I worked closely with. Among those people was a nice and shy guy named Jeffrey. He was eight years older than me but looked much younger; around my own age. I was twenty two at the time. Jeff wore glasses, had blue eyes, and short brown hair. He wore a black hat, dark pants, and a light brown colored buttoned vest with a darker brown threaded pattern on it over a white dress shirt, and no tie like all the other male extras did. The crew often asked him where his tie was and he would have to explain each time that none had ever been given to him. We laughed about that a lot.
For three consecutive nights, I generally hung out with the same group of people between takes as well as official breaks. I even took pictures of my new friends in their costumes and offered to send printed copies of the pictures. Mailing addresses and even phone numbers were exchanged.
I sent a letter along with some pictures I had gotten developed to a few people, and eventually received something from Jeff in the mail; a nicely hand written two page letter on lined paper.
Later on, I received a phone call from another guy I had worked with on the set of The Aviator. His name was Martin and he informed me that his friend was doing an independent film and needed a few extras. He was wondering if I would be interested, even if I would not be paid for it like I had been for The Aviator. I accepted because I was into acting back then. It turns out that Jeff had been asked to be an extra for that movie too. I don’t recall exactly who contacted who to get together before the shoot, but Jeff and I ended up meeting at a metro station and going on the small set together on October 4, 2003. Not knowing if lunch or snacks would be provided, I packed two cheese sandwiches; one for myself and the other for Jeff.
There were not many extras on the set of Scam; less than a dozen. Jeff and I pretty much just hung out together when we were not being filmed. Him and I ended up playing a couple eating at the café we were filming at. For the movie, we sat at a small table facing one another and left together. There was no intimacy involved.
After the film shoot, we were offered a ride to the metro station. The women who drove us asked how long Jeff and I had been together. That question came to me as a shock and I answered that I was married. In reality, I had a common law partner. He was the father of my son and we had been together for about four years. Things had not been going very well between us, but I remained faithful to him as we tried to work things out.
My son’s father and I ended our six year relationship in January of 2006. Jeff and I had completely lost touch at this point, but for some reason he was on my mind and I did not understand why. I barely knew him after all. Years went by, and as I dated other men Jeff continued to be in the back of my mind. I thought about looking him up. With Facebook in existence, it would have been easy. Yet, I figured he had moved on with his life or might not remember me and would think I was some sort of weird stalker.
More years went by and I felt no major connection with any of the men I dated. I was getting discouraged about finding Mr. Right.
About a year and a half ago, in 2012, I was given free movie passes at the office and offered them to the guy I was seeing. I told him he could invite some friends to the advanced screening and he informed me that he would bring his friend Jeff whom I had never met. Or at least, I didn’t think I had met him. It turns out it was the same Jeff I had met on the set of The Aviator about a decade before. “What are the odds?” I told myself. Jeff did not seem to recognise me at first, but everything soon came back to him.
After the movie, all three of us went to the food court of the mall across the street to grab a quick bite to eat. Jeff and I had a lot of catching up to do, but I did not feel right giving most of my attention to him while I was dating his friend. I did mention that I had a group picture taken on the set of The Aviator in my living room and Jeff told me he had the one I sent him in his. It turns out we both had the exact same picture on display.
I continued to date the same guy but was not happy being with him. If I am honest, I was completely miserable but won’t get into all the details as to why. I will say that it was obvious from the start that we were far from being compatible.
Jeff and I became Facebook friends, but nothing more. The rare time that Jeff and I ever saw each other were during hockey games we were invited too and we didn't socialize together between periods or after the games. We actually rarely wrote to each other either. I did not discuss the relationship problems I was having nor did I try to get together with him in between my numerous breakups with his friend, whom I was with on and off for about a year.
One day, I had enough of being manipulated by a man I did not trust and who took me for granted so I left him for good. My friends, family, and even my co-workers were happy about that because they were tired or hearing me complain all the time and thought I deserved better.
Jeff knew about the final breakup because he was still friends with my ex but did not know the details. He did not ask, nor did I vent to him. The truth came out eventually, but I always tried to mention the qualities my ex had while talking about his faults and why I never saw a future with him.
Jeff was thinking about moving out of his place because of a rent increase and was considering finding a new apartment in my neighbourhood, so I offered to show him around and visit apartments with him. We eventually got together for dinner, just as friends. I have to admit that I was really nervous that day.
I had found the old letter Jeff had written me, which I kept in a shoe box along with other special mail. I decided to show him at the restaurant and he told me he still had the letter I had sent him somewhere. He still lived at the return address shown on the long white envelope I handed him. Weird, because I still resided in my old apartment too. It was like time had simply stopped.
We both realised that we had a very strong connection, and that it had been present the first day we met. We did not know what to do about it though because of the fact I had previously been dating his friend. However, we simply could not ignore how well we got along and communicated with each other, not to mention the physical attraction. Jeff confessed that he had thought about me for years but had never tried to connect with me after being an extra in Scam because he did not want to get in the way of my relationship.
I told people how torn I was, and everyone I spoke to encouraged me to go after Jeff despite the fact that he was friends with my ex. I knew I would regret it if I did not listen to them. I had not listened when they had advised me to leave my ex and I had become a pessimistic grump like him. It’s like he had drained my positive energy. Jeff was different. He made me smile and laugh. He made me want to live and I felt comfortable being myself around him. I could be silly.
I ended up reminding myself that Jeff’s friend had not been the best boyfriend to me and that I had already lost Jeff once in my life. I didn’t want to lose him again, even if I did not know if anything could flourish between us. I needed to find out though.
Jeff was a perfect gentlemen with me, which is one of the reasons I was interested in him. Had he tried to make a move on me when I was still with my son’s father or with his friend I would not have wanted to be with him. We would not have even stayed friends.
My gut feeling told me I could trust Jeff, that he would not try to cheat on me like my ex, or keep in touch with many girls while telling me to stay away from my male friends out of jealousy and making false accusation based on his own desires and actions. There was something that told me I would be at peace with Jeff and that we would not argue all the time.
Jeff and I started hanging out and he wanted to tell my ex but didn’t quite know what to say. I know he nervously texted him to say he wanted to talk to him about something, but my ex did not want to talk. He had figured that something was up between Jeff and I. Days later, my ex sent a nasty message to Jeff and even to Jeff’s sister. I am not sure if he thought I had cheated on him while we had been together, which was not the case, or if he felt that I had left him for Jeff, which was also false. Either way, he was angry and did not want to hear any kind of explanation. Jeff and I understood, yet still felt the need to be together. When we realised that my ex was never going to talk to either one of us again, we became a couple. This was on April 2, 2014. We had nothing to lose anymore.
At the beginning, we felt like we were walking on eggshells simply because we were afraid of running into my ex and the last thing we wanted was to rub it in his face that we were an item. We were discrete at first, especially Jeff, but eventually wanted to tell the whole world about each other.
We ended up having an unpleasant run in with my ex’s sister not too long ago during a festival. She accused us of having seen her brother standing in the crowd, even though we hadn’t, and purposely sitting down in front of him. I interiorly agreed with the fact that my ex did not need to see Jeff and I together, and I would have relocated like Jeff suggested. However, it was the first time my ex’s sister had ever addressed me even though we had met a few times before, and she called me a bad person without even knowing me. Jeff and I had simply been eating our lunches at the time, not showing any sign of affection. Jeff made a move to leave a second time, as my ex’s sister told us to do, but I refused to move simply because I did not like the way she had approached us. I told her I was not going to leave the grounds simply because her brother happened to be there too, and found myself adding through my teeth that he had tried to cheat on me when I had always been faithful to him. She did not hear me and I think it is for the best because I did not feel like arguing. I had done enough of that with her brother, who was impossible to have an adult conversation with. She eventually left. I realised that I saw my ex in her, and not just because she looked like him physically. She reminded me of how unhappy I had been and somehow I appreciated Jeff even more that day.
Actually, I appreciated his family more. They have always been very welcoming towards me as opposed to my ex's family who were always rather cold in general. His mother eventually opened up to me, but the first time I met her she seemed like she did not care that I was there. Jeff's family was a nice change. I felt like I belonged.
I know that Jeff felt really bad for going out with his friend’s ex-girlfriend, but once he saw what my ex was really like and was given insight on what I had to put up with in the past he started to let go of his guilt. After all, he had done nothing wrong. He never courted me when I was with his friend, and we took our time to be intimate. He never put pressure on me and never made me feel like a piece of meat like my ex and many other men before him did. If anything, I was in the wrong for being so persistent about seeing each other in the beginning and putting Jeff in an awkward situation. I never meant to though. I thought our little crush would fade away rather than grow. I am quite happy about the way everything turned out and have absolutely no regrets.
Things are going really well between Jeff and I. If I can speak for the two of us, we are both super happy.
I had the pleasure of spending time with Jeff’s divorced parents on a few occasions, as well as Jeff’s younger sister and her boyfriend along with their adorable daughter who just turned one. I proudly introduced Jeff to both my divorced parents this summer when we went to Ottawa together and it went well. I look forward to presenting him to my younger sister, who already approves of him being my boyfriend.
My son gets along with Jeff too, which is important. My son's father met Jeff and he told me he seemed decent. I know I don't need his approval for the guys I date, but he was not just looking out for me. He wanted to make sure our son had a good father figure around and Jeff is. All my friends like Jeff so far and my co-worker have seen a significant change in my mood since I have been with Jeff.
I am in love, which is something I have not felt in a really long time. The first time I told Jeff I loved him, which was not long after we started going out, he not only told me that he loved me too but that he had not felt a connection this strong with anyone before and that he had simply been waiting for me. I guess I was just waiting for him too. =)
